Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 18 July 2010

image for William's Welsh shagging hideaway to cost extra £1.4 million in police protection
The lovenest is one of Charles' eco-fiendly designs

Anglesey - (Rutters): The cost of shagging Kate Middleton at a bijou neo-postimperialist newbuild Welsh hideyhole has soared to £1.4 million.

Police protection squads will mount a 24/7 guard on William and his stick insect girlfriend at their Holyhead lovenest close to RAF Happy Valley where the Prince is stationed.

The pair have been refused married quarters at the flight base because Middleton appears on a terrorist list issued by spooks at MI5.

In addition, frequent visits 'on family business' to her cocaine-peddling uncle Gary Goldsmith have also made the MoD extremely keen to uphold the RAF base's unsullied reputation.

Commenting on the spiralling costs of the new arrangement a senior Tory Commons counter-terrorism committee member said today:

"It's a bollox decision, even more extravagant than guarding those slappers Beatrice and Eugenie.

"Still, that's the protection racket for you."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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