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Sunday, 18 July 2010

Prime Minister David Cameroon has been forced to make a humiliating withdrawal of his Commons statements regarding Raoul Moet, the legendary Geordie wife-beater, tree-surgeon and wannabee cop-killer who was given the death penalty by Nothumbrain police in Rotherhambury last week.

A spokesman for number ten said that Mr Cameron had not realised the strength of public feeling in Rotherhambury where the televised public execution took place. He added that the Prime Minister had not known at the time of all the details surrounding the case, particularly that Moet had been subjected to years of harrassment at the hands of the village bobby, PC Ratboner. He said the Prime Ministers only previous experience of dealing with moats was when he'd had to call in pest controllers when the one surrounding his house had a mosquito infestation. An anonymous insider claimed that Prime Minister Cameroon has been coming under pressure from junior coalition partner Nick 'Corporal' Clegg who is said to be anxious about the effect the case could have on the upcoming by-election in Rotherhambury, where local Liberal Democwat Councillor Ahmed Aphakup holds the seat by a narrow margin. Councillor Aphakup could not be contacted today and is believed to be attending an all expenses paid seminar on 'Public Swimming Pool Policy during Ramadan' being held in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

The furore surrounding the Prime Minister has led to the creation of several Facebook groups with names like 'David Camerooney is a Plonker' and 'We didn't fight in the War for this Prime Minister'. Local people told our reporter last night of their feelings towards Mr Cameroon, mini-cab driver Derek Byrd said 'This is a tight-knit community, it's shocking to think some nutters would choose a place like this to come and start using firearms on each other, I've lived here all my life and it's never happened before. Moety was a nice lad, the Prime Minister would never have said those things if he'd known Raoul had come from a broken home where the only father figure was a gnome in the front garden, the sort he has promised to do something about, I hate gnomes myself, don't you?' His customer, retired ex-England footballer Paul Gascoigne who lives in nearby Byker Grove had this to say: 'Moet? what like the bubbly like? Where?'

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