Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today bought a boat. The boat, to be known as The SuBoat (what else?!), will ferry fanatics along the River Almond to reach the back garden of SuBo's new house.
"They're building a big security gate at the front, so we'll have to creep up on her via the back," confirmed a fanatic. "Our SuBoat will get us within feet of the back door! I'm sure Susan will invite us in for tea when she spots us!"
Clearly anticipating this possibility, builders at the house today installed a large 'Beware of Cat' sign on the back decking, along with a 'No red scarves' warning sign.
"Susan's cat Pebbles has had security training in London," confirmed a spokesman. "She's been working on her growl and can now sniff out a red scarf at 100 metres. The loonies won't have a chance!"
A test run of the boat ended in disaster after it dissolved before reaching the destination. "It seems the river is a little more polluted than we thought," grumbled a fanatic.
Meanwhile, fanatics were pretending to really like their wealthy husbands after it emerged a house just several doors away from SuBo's is up for sale.
"Well they only want a few hundred thousand dollars! My wealthy husband probably has that in his wallet!" boasted a fanatic. "I'm sure I can persuade him to buy it for me! I'd be Susan's neighbour! I'm sure she'd be thrilled!"
"We're going to start a collection and buy it ourselves!" said the head chief fanatic. "A SuBo timeshare! She'll get to meet hundreds of our fanatics right on her doorstep! What more could she want in life!?" grinned the fanatic.
"Oh that's all I need!" sighed SuBo. "Oh well, I'll just have to buy it myself. Pebbles can live there! Anything to stop those loonies from moving in!" she said, rolling her eyes.