Written by IainB
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Friday, 16 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Golden Shower Chinese restaurant to re-open
The Golden Shower's tapas bar

Six months after the Golden Shower Chinese Restaurant in Shanklin shut its doors after the food standards agency moved in, it is set to re-open.

The original accusations levelled at the restaurant, which will also do take-out after the re-launch, were that the chicken was cat and the pork was dog. In addition, the Food Hygiene authority discovered that there were thirty-one separate food hygiene violations, including leaving the back door open while they cooked, and that there was no signs on the toilet doors to remind people to wash their hands.

A lengthy investigation has revealed that the Golden Shower was really using chicken and pork in their chicken and pork dishes, and the disappearance of local cats may have had something to do with Katherine Cattermole, a Ventnor woman who has acquired nearly three hundred cats, and not the restaurant at all. A fact local residents were alerted to via this very newspaper.

During the time of the investigation, which owner Constanopolis Konstaniousis, 39, always knew would absolve him, the Golden Shower has had a major refit, including an automatic closing back door, proper ventilation in the kitchen and signs on all the toilet doors.

Konstaniousis, is excited by the prospect of re-opening.

"I'm immensely excited by this re-opening," he said. "We will have a take-out and we have new tables and chairs. I have removed the flock wallpaper, and replaced it with a Swedish sauna theme. For the connoisseur we have a 'pick a duck' option, where the diner can look at our duck run at the ducks and select which one they want us to cook."

Konstaniousis proudly showed us his duck run in the garden where ducks ran around on all fours playing with woollen balls and pecking at mice.

The Golden Shower reopens on August 14th, and will offer free nachos to the first fifty customers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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