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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Isle Of Wight News - Self Help Manual 'The Big Boys' Book Of Wanking' Withdrawn From Island Libraries
The Big Boys' Book Of Wanking - An Eye Popping Read

Ryde - Isle Of Wight - After tea - Following a deluge of thirteen complaints from island residents, council leader Jay Arthur successfully passed a motion demanding that the book, The Big Boy's Book Of Wanking be immediately removed from the island's library shelves, and withdrawn indefinitely.

It is thought that the tome contains tracts concerning such unsavoury topics as masturbating surreptitiously on the bus, auto erotic asphyxiation techniques, wanking in the toilet, and lobbing one off into a sock.

The book, by renowned Turkish onanist Izzet Uppyett, which constantly tops the best-seller list in France is freely available in mainland libraries in places like London and Liverpool, but not here on the island.

Councillor Jay Arthur defended his motion by saying that nobody wanted the flower of the island's youth banging one out in buses, on the beach, or on the Portsmouth hovercraft.

"You never know what this kind of thing can lead to," he warned.

One concerned parent complained that since her sixteen year old son borrowed the book from Ryde library, she'd had to cut down her working hours to allow extra time for mopping up jizz from all over the house, and straining her elbow removing the stains off the walls with Cillit Bang.

"He's never been the same since he borrowed that book," the concerned parent explained. "He's lobbing one off all the time these days. He can't stop himself. I'm worried that one day I'll find him dead in the wardrobe with a belt fastened around his neck, wearing women's clothing and biting down on a Cox's Pippin. He's gone all pale and lost weight since he got that book out. And he's got bags under his eyes."

One teen told us that withdrawing the book wouldn't achieve anything, as most young lads had read it anyway. He told us that all his school friends were now wanking like billyo 24/7 He added that the only solution to the problem lay with the island's girls, who he opined should do their duty and let the lads shag 'em all rotten.

,More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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