Written by j.w.
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Police, Prisons and Schools for the Chop
We can do better than the French

In progressive moves the Coalition Government is moving rapidly to deal with the deficit.

In the firing line are the Police, Prisons and Schools. 'Let's face it' said Business Minister, Vince Cable, backed by Minister of Justice Ken Clarke 'we have to do something'.

Cuts in all these services will not be in the Front line, but our political earwig has picked up many vibes which suggest that the 'front line' is pretty thin.

'We need to think radically about cutting services' said Ken Clarke 'that way we can begin an improvistion that could really take off. I have been studying the work of Duke Ellington and if we can create improvisations like his we will be well away.'

Vince Cable is uneasy about this approach, however. 'We need to arrange things so that the Tories get the blame and we Lib Dems emerge as the good guys. Outwitting George Osborne will be easy enough and Ken is on our side so we just have to deal with Cameron. Ken is into improvisation but look at the state of jazz today. It is has a following even smaller than ours and they are always quarreling about what sort of jazz is best. We can't have quarrels like that in politics.'

In desperation feelers have gone out for the White Knight 'our Mandy' for solutuions. Mandy has been ready with advice.

'Get as much gossip as you can, add a bit of theatre and write advertisements for yourself.'

'No real help' groaned Vince, desperate to know where to turn. Prince Charles - no, dear Diana still haunts him, Gordon Brown as Minister of Sweetness and Light? No, he is past his sell by date.'

Then a moment of visionary truth spread throughout the Cabinet. It was as if God had spoken. Of course, the answer was Tony Blair! Loved by the Americans, a born communicator.

Cameron is beeing urged to get Blair on board. 'That way we will unite our nation in the great cause of austerity' was the collective cry. 'We will come together - No more Mondays, schools are out for ever! The French can tear down the Bastille - we can surely do better than them! Away with all the pen pushers, managers and supposed health remedies.'

Blair is thought to be keen on the idea and he gave his secret advice to Cameron which echoed his great triumps of the past. 'Just imagine as John Lennon said.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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