Written by IainB
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Isle of Wight News - Cat Lady in hot water
One of Katherine's two hundred and twenty-three cats

Katherine Cattermole, 82, of Ventnor, is in hot water today over her cats.

Katherine currently has one hundred and fifty-seven cats, but it is not the number of cats that has caused the issue, as the RSPCA, the Ryde Society for the Possession of Cat Accessories, have determined that every one of the one hundred and fifty-eight cats is well cared for, well fed and properly treated.

Nor is it the fact that all one hundred and fifty-nine of the cats are all free to roam Ventnor to their heart's content, as Ventnor council have been able to save money on vermin extermination.

It is not even the smell, as the neighbours say that any smell from the one hundred and sixty cats is masked by Katherine herself, who hasn't bathed since 1947.

Instead, it is the manner in which Katherine has acquired her one hundred and sixty-one cats. Katherine cannot produce a receipt for a single one of the one hundred and sixty-two cats in her possession.

"I just kind of get cats," she said. "Every time I count them, there are more."

The cat-theft division of Ventnor police department is baffled. Nobody has reported their cat missing, and yet somehow, Katherine has one hundred and sixty-three.

"It's like their multiplying, or something," said Jenn Darm, head and only member of the cat-theft division. "And that's just not natural, is it? She's got to be stealing them - we simply need to catch her in the act. It will be a career maker if I can catch her. 'Scuse pun."

Editor's note: Katherine Cattermole actually has two hundred and fifteen cats.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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