Written by IainB
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Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Standing Room Only on Cryan Air
Cattle Class: It is a sociable start your holiday

Budget Airline, Cryan Air, are to introduce a new cattle class to their budget flights.

Previously, first class on Cryan Air was getting leg room with your seat, now it is to be actually getting a seat.

In an effort to increase dwindling profits in an ever more cut-throat market, they are to introduce London Tube Style standing, with straps hanging from the ceiling to hold onto during banking or turbulence. First class will be bench seats around the outside wall of the aircraft.

"Currently, we can fit forty first class passengers and eighty coach class passengers," said Ryan Cryan, CEO of Cryan Air. "If we can get away with it, and we probably will, that will be sixty first class passengers and three hundred and forty coach class. It's genius, I don't know why we're the first to think of it. We can get so many people on-board now that we can halve the ticket price and still double profits. We're also taking out the loos, since people stopped using them when we introduced the 'Pound a Go' system. We will be selling nappies though."

Federal Aviation authorities are desperately attempting to find a reason to stop Cryan Air from their hair brained scheme.

"We've been through the FAA's rules," said Ava Haitian, of the FAA's law team. "Unfortunately, there's nothing in there that insists on a seat for a passenger. It was kind of assumed that all planes had seats. It sounds dangerous, as in the event of a crash, everybody would die, but the survival rate in aircraft isn't great anyway."

Passengers are a little unsure, but the half priced tickets are swaying them.

"I suppose I can give it a go," said Stan Dingroom of Dorset. "The half price tickets sound tempting, and stood up you can't get DVTs can you?"

Harry Craft, an engineer for Cryan Air, who prefers to remain nameless, is a gainsayer. "What they haven't counted on - you're not going to name me are you? - is that all those extra people will mean the plane can never take off. It'll be too heavy. You're sure I'll be nameless?"

In breaking news, Harry Craft, an engineer from Cryan Air has been sacked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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