Written by Jimbo123
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Topics: Cars, Top Gear

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

image for Top Gear to build world's tallest car
"Hello, is that the AA? Do you have a helicopter? I'm parked in the central reservation between Cynffig and Cymdda

Plans are afoot to construct the worlds tallest car with the driver sitting in a 'crows-nest' up to 80ft above the road.

Critics had been concerned the popular show would end up passed it's sell by date like initial classics 'Fools & Horses', 'the Simpsons' and 'Eastender'. However producers have 'bigged up' the show saying there is plenty more 'diced lion' in the tank yet.

Top Gear is cherished as one of the last bastions of non-PC programming in a BBC strategy consisting mainly of promoting the needs of African lesbians. Despite being paid £1m a year, Jeremy Clarkson has given diversity monitors weekly palpitations by mocking immigrants and implying women's bodies are 'available' without strings.

The car is expected to have a 'difficult' birth due to weight distribution problems. James May of WLAC explained - "To stop the 'carbird' from toppling over on the corners we need to give it a 5 ton sub-frame around the wheels. This in turn means we'll need about 1000bhp to get any meaningful performance from the thing - and Bugatti engines aren't cheap. We'll probably get a couple of Hayabusa engines with nitro."

Nevertheless, the finished article is likely to be a hilarious - providing all but the highest viaducts are avoided. For example, the beast will need to stop up to 100 feet before a junction to see the traffic lights. Also other cars are likely to have classic pile-ups when they lose concentration whilst tailing the curiosity in the rush hour.

Jeremy Clarkson commented - "There's a lot of fiddly and unattractive cables between the driver and the engine which we're hoping to eradicate with remote control and that's where the fun starts because we want to put the driver on an 80ft spring instead. The Stig (Damon Hill) has pathetically refused to climb in, so we're getting 'the hamster' in as a guinea pig again for another 'last in series' spectacular."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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