Written by j.w.
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Topics: Old People, Age

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

image for Average age will soon be 100
You think you have problems - I have nine lives

Great scientific advances will be heralding in a time when 100 is the average age. The Queen is worried she will have to send so many messages of congratulation that she will run out of paper and Prince Charles, becoming frustrated at waiting so long will eventually be forced to have a pee.

'This will bring difficulties' said a worried Professor of Gerontology, Ebenezer Scrooge 'it will in fact be the Dickens of a problem.'

But 99 year Brigitte Bardot, looking no older than 25 (to my mind anyway), asserted 'Living to 100 is my aim and you would feel the same if you were my age.'

With the economic austerity measures being advanced it is clear that pensions will not be payable until 80 years of age. Everyone will have the opportunity to enjoy working for over sixty years of their lives.

With 150 being the highest age expected by the end of the century a complication has arisen. 'If it's the end of the century you can't be more than 100 surely?' asked a student of mathematics, Albert J. Einstein.

Whatever the case we will need more food and obesity will be punishable by slow starvation.

'We shall have our share of problems' said Clement Freud 'but the psychoanalytical difficulties will be overcome by learning to understand our dreams.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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