Written by j.w.
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Topics: Police

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

image for Police train for alternative employment
Policeman looking for alternative employment

Police are preparing for inevitable cutbacks in the force by developing skills whilst still serving.

The latest idea is to become skilled gardeners and they are digging gardens to practice for this valuable task.

'You never know, we might find buried treasure doing this' explained one constable 'this beats the beat.'

In Northern Ireland the new trade could well be with the Fire Brigade as enthusiastic coppers deal with the finer arts of hosing burning passions.

In the far North of England several police are eager to become Grand Prix drivers and have even been practising eye catching crashes.

Ex-prisoners, also looking for work, are becoming partners with police who are expecting to become redundant. They are going into schools teaching 'Cops and Robbers' games to break the monotony of the school day. They are expecting to get pay far in excess of their present wages, almost as much as bankers.

'I could do a Bank job' said one keen ex-prisoner 'I can count money quickly and I learnt a lot about gambling inside.'

Becoming a worker with several abilities is becoming something to aim for in these difficult economic times. Combining being a dustman with being a bureaucrat is one popular option. 'Instead of filing everything we can throw it away.' Civil servants who write speeches for politicians are sure to be facing redundancy and can use their knowledge to set up clinics for those suffering from insomnia.

Students on Gap years are finding Dentistry a natural career choice and the many graduated students who can't find work can use their frustration as a sound basis for a life in psychiatry.

'With a bit of imagination we can solve the unemployment problem' announced David Cameron in the House of Commons 'John Lennon wrote a memorable song called Imagination but he also taught too many people that we can prosper by lying in bed. However he has an important point - by learning to lie we can soon deal with all our problems.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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