The BBC has announced it is to construct a moat around its central London offices as a tribute to Raoul Moat.
The moat is to be filled with the crocodile tears cried by BBC and Guardian journalists, members of the Northumberland Police service and Moat's own family - providing they are paid by Tally-Ho! magazine.
The BBC has said that 'no license-payers expense will be spared' during the opening ceremony, which will feature a RAF flyover of Tornadoes; a comical pantomime by keystone cops dressed up like storm troopers who will attempt to crack a nut with a sledge hammer; and an hilarious stand-up routine by Sue Sim, head of Northumberland police, where she explains that her appointment was not a piece of political correctness.
The BBC is also said to be working on a new early evening light entertainment show based on Moat said to be a 'combination of Robin Hood and Strictly Come Dancing' in which contestants waste as much money as possible looking for a fugitive who is hiding in an obvious place.