The NHS in England is to undergo a major restructuring in one of the biggest shake-ups in its history, the government has announced.
Hospitals are to be moved out of the NHS and given to a famous hotel group under the new umbrella name Hilton Care, this is to be spear headed by Hotel heiress Paris Hilton holding a comically over sized syringe and wearing a sexy, low cut, high legged, nurses outfit in an attempt to distract everyone from what is happening.
All health tax contributions will now go straight to the hotel chain, who will be looking over NHS records and comparing these with who has actually paid tax.
It had been noted that some people pay taxes and NI contributions for years and never see a doctor or go to a hospital, where as others have spent their lives on state benefits and are draining the system by constantly requiring medical care.
Under the new proposals, so as to ensure everyone receives the same level of service, no one at all will get any health care, unless they can fulfil one of the following criteria:- are in the government,
Work in a bank (but not the sort with a counter)
Own a hospital
Can clean through three layers from a gob-stopper in under a minute and have this verified by a Member of Parliament.