The Scottish singer and acclaimed philanthropist, Susan Boyle, is searching for a nobody who wants to be a somebody to duet with.
Speaking in her best English so that nothing will be lost in translation, Miss Boyle announced that she would love to find a singer, who can really sing, but who has not been discovered.
"I want contestants to send me their version of "Silent Night" then a panel of experts, that will not include Piers Morgan or Amanda Hold on, I want more publicity for myself, will choose the winner" Miss Boyle is reported to have said. "It will be a big deal for me and the winner."
It is reported that Miss Boyle is looking forward to many hours of hilarity as she views the audition tapes of the aspiring singers.
"I've been through all this and everyone laughed at and mocked me, she said, "Now, it's my turn to mock. My expensive Jimmy Chew shoes are on the other foot."
A representative of Miss Boyle said that they expect thousands of audition videos.
"This will make utoob small fry by comparison" she told us, "There are thousands of good singers out there, waiting for such an opportunity. We are pleased to say that there are probably thousands more, who think they can sing, are deluded enough to participate in this competition but who haven't got a hope in hell. That's the entertainment we are looking for as we enjoy one boozy night after another laughing our heads off in our expensive Scottish Highland lodge. We can't wait, it's going to be so much fun!"