Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 9 July 2010

image for Raoul Moat arrested after being spotted going commando with Ray Mears and Bear Grylls
Paintballing and other scrotal activities?

Northumbria - (Ass Mess): Bushcraft run riot? Justice fugitive Raoul Moat was caught after being secretly filmed taking a moonlit dump in the forest with fellow backwoodsmen Ray Mears and Bear 'Panda Face' Grylls.

The men had bonded together years ago during an extreme survival weekend of paintballing and other scrotal go-commando activities.

They are said to share an obsessive interest in the survival of World War II resistance fighters such as the Norwegian heavy water plant saboteurs.

These Oslo-based partisans were notorious for stealing massive 20-tonne Gunnera plants growing in strategic Swedish fjords which they then passed off as Genuine Norwegian Weed.

Much of this consignment was smoked in the Berlin Bunker by Adolf and his horny squeeze Eva Braun.

Mears, Grylls and Moat also have distinctive I Love The Bielski Brothers tatoos nestling under their bushy pubes.

These Belarus heroes spent much of World War II living in underground dugouts called zemlyankas from which they fought the Nazis and the Soviets.

They only disbanded their extreme survival warcraft camps when Princess Diana paid an unexpected goodwill visit in 1996.

Renowned frock artiste Oscar de la Rent-Boy personally designed Mears' and Grylls' combat gear in 2001.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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