Moat in Vienna - In a bizarre twist to the Cheryl Cole malaria controversy, famed Mastermind finalist Raoul Moat has appeared in the arrivals lounge in Vienna Airport, Europe.
Flanked by 2 burly bouncers who may also be US agents if their Raybans are anything to go by (could be Wayfarers-Ed) Mr Moat struggled to string a sentence together for waiting reporters.
'I can nee take the blame for owt' explained Moat, 'is spikin wiv Max Clifford later as well as me mam who I still luv despite her slaggin' me off to the press'.
It is believed that Moat, born as Rosaline Moutard in Lyons, infiltrated the UK during the recent Cold War with France and has been living amongst the Geordie type natives peacefully until now. Experts believe that his recent behaviour may be due to Wayne Rooney's recent performance although there is another school of thought that just thinks he's a twat.