Written by j.w.
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Topics: Terrorism, Guns

Thursday, 8 July 2010

image for Terror gunman still not reporting to Probation
Probation Officer Carol Thatcher appeals to Moat

The terror gunman Jonathan Moat has still not reported to his Probation Officer, despite public appeals from the Police to him to come in for a friendly word.

Moat's Probation Officer, Carol Thatcher, has warned Moat that to continue with his escapade will do him no good. 'You might be lost in the desert for all I know. Think of your mother.'

Police, who have been closing in on Moat for days, have come up with a clever plan to get Moat's colleagues to split on their friend. A reward of £10 has been offered to anyone who can give the police Moat's current address.

Media outlets are getting annoyed with Moat as well. 'There's a limit to the time we can keep this story in the news' said one 'we warn Moat that if he doesn't appear soon he cannot be sure of more headlines.'

Carol Thatcher has told Moat not to be intimidated by the thought of visiting her. 'I know my reputation is a tough one but I'm gentle at heart. I am constantly inspired by St Francis of Assissi. I know I can help to lead you away from a life of crime.'

Moat, who clearly has access to a computer and Television, has sent a Facebook message to his mother (who has declared of her dear boy: 'I wish he was dead') in which he tries to explain why he has taken the road to murder and mayhem.

Mrs Moat has sold the content of this message for a sum known to be greater than £10. It is worth every penny: 'Dear Mum' it reads 'go and jump in the deepest lake still existing, although I worry that with this terrible drought you will not find one big enough for your carcass.' This thoughtful note from a man,still able to sympathise with drought stricken farmers, despite his own worries, signs his letter simply 'with love from your special baby.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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