LEGENDARY French fashion house Eaves San Loren has launched its new Autumn collection inspired by Geordie dancer Cheryl Cole's brush with deadly Malaria.
Cole, twenty-something, collapsed in a TV studio yesterday following a trip to somewhere dodgy and is now recuperating having given countless news outlets another spurious excuse to publish pictures of her in her underwear.
Eager to cash in, ESL has rushed out a malaria-inspired offering which includes lingerie made from mosquito nets and a show-stopping dress entirely cobbled together from empty anti-malarial packets.
The controversial catwalk launch in Paris last night featured a lot of men who were so girly they actually looked like women accompanied by decorative African children genuinely inflicted with Malaria.
Leading fashion Commentator Francois de la Zozo heaped praise on the new design.
He gushed: "Zis collection just works on so many levels. It reminds us zat ours isn't just an empty and vacuous world full of dangerously thin coke 'eds but zat it actually reflects ze real world. I mean, just look at those kids zey are really really thin and zey probably don't even want to be. It's beacuse they're real and zat is what fashion eez all about.".
Wearing trackie bottoms and a pair of Nike Air Max's, Lead Designer Jean-Paul Derrier was modest about the praise heaped in his collection.
He said: "I am modest about ze praise heaped on my collction. My team and I, but mainly I, worked all day to adapt our Autumn collection to ze Cheryl Cole Malaria story and eet gives us, but mainly me, great pleasure to highlight ze issue of Newcastle's malaria problem.
"We want to do what we can to help so for every £10,000 dress sold we will buy a malaria net for Newcastle.