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Topics: Raoul Moat

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Raoul Moat Is Misunderstood
Raoul?!

Friends close to Rothbury fugitive claim he has been misunderstood.

Dan 'Horse Apple' Wilson, who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters that Raoul had "always had a burning hatred of the Police... ever since their number one 1974 hit Message In A Bottle."

Neighbours say he was a man of few words, mostly ''I hate Sting'', and one local shopkeeper claimed that Raoul threw up on his own shoes after Roxanne started playing on the radio.

''I thought it was funny'' said Abdul Jaffar, ''But then I had to clean it up!''

Ever since rumors surfaced in the news about a Police reunion tour, Raoul has been on edge, and it was only a matter of time before his rage exploded.

Police have urged the public to be vigilant, but have reassured local residents that Raoul is not Family Guy's Peter Griffin .

''We had numerous calls telling us that Raoul was sighted in peoples living rooms, and it wasn't until they mentioned a talking dog, that we put two and two together'' said Sgt Keith Colon.

Police say it is only a matter of time before Raoul Moat is caught, as it had been revealed that he is armed with a 2.5 tog duvet, and as locals here are aware, the nights can be very chilly.

The hunt continues...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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