Written by GutterMutter
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Topics: Economy, Pope, Parliament

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for Number 10: "Pope Won't Escape Axe"
Out of your poncy popemobile Benny, you're getting the bus.

DOWNING Street has tried to calm controversy over the Papal visit to Britain by promising that the expected £12million bill won't escape swingeing budgetary cuts.

It is thought that Pope Benedict, "Panzer Pope" to his mates, will now arrive by low-cost airline and has even been booked into a nice little B&B at a secret location, thought to be Scotland, to cut costs.

Once in the UK, the Pontiff will tour his various engagements by Megabus and will be catered for in Tesco cafes en-route except for the State Banquet which will come from Lidl.

Fellow Catholic and Prime Ministerial Special Representative for the Papal Visit (honestly), Chris Patten said: "Look, this Government can't be seen to be spending £12 million on a sight-seeing trip for the Pope when we're cancelling school dinners for poor kids and nabbing wheelchairs off of handicaps. What kind of monsters would that make us?

"We simply have to introduce some efficiency to the Pope's visit so that nobody can accuse us of being too flash.

"To that end, we've got His Holiness flying in by Ryanair - no checked baggage, mind you - and we're going to put him up at my Nan's seeing as she's got a very reasonable little B&B by the seaside.

"The bus is costing us SFA and because we're booking so far in advance the whole thing will come to about 47 quid - even less if it wasn't for those arsehole credit card charges at Ryanair."

Former Northern Ireland First Minister and general religious antagonist Rev Ian Paisley inexplicibly waded into the debate by denouncing the revised £47 bill as "over the top".

Vowing to carry on his fight against the papal visit and indeed, anyone else who comes within angry shouting distance, he said:

"I THINK £47 FOR A PAPAL VISIT IS OVER THE TOP, SO I DO.

"I WILL CARRY ON FIGHTING THIS ABOMINATION EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, SO I WILL.

"NO SURRENDER, NO WE WON'T."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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