Written by armfeetandtoe
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Topics: Prison, Theft

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

image for Wormwood Scrubs Prison Stolen!
Some of the stones left by the thiefs

The Government today admitted that Wormwood Scrubs Prison had been stolen. A spokesperson said that the prison had been missing for a few days.

Prison Govenor, Judas Priest, said; "We realised something was wrong when our keys would not fit the locks. On further investigation, it would appear the whole prison has been replaced with a cardboard cut out replica".

Asked if this has caused any security problems, Mr Priest replied; "We haven't told the prisoners, If they get wind the walls are made of cardboard, Some of them might want to escape, and that just wont do".

The police believe it could have been an inside job.

Inspector Corner, of the Yard said; My men have a few leads, and that means the dogs are loose, so any criminal, and I believe there a few round here, better give themselves up or we are going to get very cross"!

Prison Officers Union Chief, Bill Gates stated; "A prison the size of Wormwood Scrubs will be easy to recognise, and sooner or later it will have to surface, that is when we will strike".

Probation Officer, Pontius O'Pilot, was a little less worried; "I think the people responsible will give themselves up. Life is about trust, I have some men building my new garden wall from recycled stone, they assure me its local stone, why would they lie"?

Scotland Yard have issued the following statement:

"Do not approach the prison, some of the mortar between those stones is 100 years old and very flakey.

"If you are offered a new patio on the cheap or large garden gates please contact us."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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