Written by Chief Cheese
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Topics: London, Britain

Monday, 4 April 2005

image for Wallace and Gromit kidnapped by North Korean agents
They never should have opened the front door...

London-From 10 Downing Street Mr. Blair announced today the kidnapping of two of Britain's most important Boffins. "It is with a heavy heart that I must tell the British people today-Wallace and Gromit have gone missing. The Government fears the worst, and our intelligence sources from around the globe are, at this minute, using every resource at our disposal to find out what has happened to them."

He went on. "For over 10 years now, Wallace and Gromit have been working on research primarily funded by the Ministry of Defence. Their programs were begun during the last Tory government, and I can tell you that the programs in question are some of the very few from that government that are still funded."

The local constabulary in Widgetshire was called upon several days ago to investigate a strange occurrence at a modest home there-the random opening and closing of a retractable roof over the small garage. The house is owned by Wallace. Neighbors were unaware of the purpose of the retractable roof, but became suspicious when, for nearly an entire week, Wallace had not been seen taking Gromit out for walkies.

The Ministry of Defence has since cordoned off the house. A small group of Royal Marines has been indefinitely detailed to it for security purposes; power has been shut off so that the roof remains closed.

An unconfirmed source inside the Government told Spoof that Wallace and Gromit have secretly carried out the only successful manned space flight experiments from Britain, and have developed an extremely sophisticated, yet economically feasible technology. "It would be tragic if the technology developed by Wallace and Gromit were to be, for example, stolen by the North Koreans," said the source.

At U.N. headquarters in New York, rumours about the disposition of the two missing Britons abound. Mr. Annan was quoted as such: "this is horrible, tragic news. I implore the North Korean representative to dispel these rumours, and as soon as possible."

In the latest development, the following statement has finally been issued by North Korea:

Pyongyang (KCNA)-Two decadent western scientists were today granted political asylum by our brilliant and much revered leader Kim Jong Il. Although our much esteemed President, Kim Jong Il, is a world-renowned nuclear physicist himself, having invented and personally assembled our one nuclear weapon, and our missile delivery system completely by himself, that he designed without the help of any western books on the subject, he took pity on them and invited them in to our most revered and free country.

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