Written by Zander Kaufman
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Topics: Iowa, watch

Sunday, 3 April 2005

Riverside Iowa- John Henry proclaimed loudly to neighbors, that even thought an entire amount of an un-known narcotic was lost to a neighborhood bonfire it would not be lost to him. "Don't worry watch this," Henry said. It was then that Henry allegedly swooped into the bonfire pit in hope of regaining the burned narcotic, also known as a "contact high".

The host of the bonfire, a local municipal employ who wished not to be identified said, "The poor bastard is just going to get hurt again."

The host who later wished only be identified as "Jay Morgan" has hosted many neighborhood bon fires. Some of which have resulted in multiple arrests and warrants served on near by homes. Neighbors have said that Morgan Has allegedly done every thing short of murder to get himself and his family kicked out or Riverside by the local authorities.

Local peace officer Richard Cozy commented to the spoof that he was not surprised at all when Henry attempted a contact high. "They've just about burned this bastard down. (referring to the neighborhood) I remember when I served a warrant for rabid dogs and large amount's explosives, the poor souls laying in the driveway looked incredibly distant."

Cozy went on. "There's something you have to understand, these people have no fear of death." Cozy who was referring to an earlier arrest made on Jay Morgan, in which he put the entire neighborhood on notice ten minuets prior to attempting to "Self reincarnate" when he strapped over fifty road flares to a stationary tecumseh engine, like his life so far, not much became of it. it is Morgan who later stated he believes he is the reincarnation of the late 70's porn star John Holmes.

When the fire had ended one thing is very clear from that night. nothing much became of that contact high. After forty-five minuets Henry gave up. However he did make some minor point about society at large, which sadly lost to everyone present.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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