Tony Blair, former Prime Minister, has announced a plan, which he has organised in coalition with the Queen, to deal with the problem of unemployment.
He is to take on many of the civil servants and industrial workers when they are made redundant in the near future.
First there will be a massive search for Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Ex-Army personnel will be perfect for such a role and ex-prisoners are another likely group to benefit. Alleged fraudsters and those wrongly convicted of deception will be particularly welcome.
'I know the WMD are there' said Blair 'we shall keep going until they are found.'
Then he will engage a large number of former officials to devise major statements on progress Blair is making to establish peace talks between Israel, the Palestinians and Hamas. This difficult task will give a golden opportunity to those able to devise statements that say nothing but give the impression of being constructive breakthroughs.
Thirdly our former leader will need help in writing a biography on his close colleague Gordon Brown. His wife Cherie will be helping with this major contribution to history. As there is much digging in dirt required for this job former sewrage workers will be invaluable.
In an exciting development Tony Blair, on behalf of the Queen, will be announcing staggering economies being made by the Royal family in the national interest.
The nation will be shocked by the scale of the cuts, equivalent to those to be experienced by top Bankers. Royal Corgi walkers are to be reduced from five to four and the Queen has even offered to reduce the number of Corgis from six to five. In an exciting move the Queen is making the remaining Corgis available for the promotion of toilet paper.
All Royal Gardens will be open to the public at a nominal cost. In a move to spread the honour of seeing the gardens to people in trade the cost could be as low as £30 a look.
Prince Philip is finally hanging his hook. He was hoping to get a State pension but he does not have the qualifying contributions. A commitee is to look at this challenging problem and in the meantime Philip will be writing for Spoof. This is certain to improve the morale of the country at this difficult time. 'He's a great joker' enthused his other half.
In a joint statement from Buckingham Palace the Queen and Tony Blair will issue a proclamation. We have seen this world shattering text: 'These measures, while not in themselves save the world, but they will deal with our economic problems.'
Most of the funding for this brilliant idea will come from the proceeds of a world tour being organised by Blair with Prince Charles. They are due to address several after dinner audiences on Contemporary Corruption in Politics and the The Ecological Nightmare.