Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Isle of Wight

Sunday, 4 July 2010

image for Isle Of Wight News - Ryde Man Creosotes Fence
No Creosote Required On This Fence.

In a move which brought unbridled joy to his neighbours, local man, Buster Ferkin today applied a coat of creosote to his garden fence. Ferkin was reported to have been contemplating the move for several months, because of the fence's unkempt appearance, and despite a slight allergic reaction to creosote, he bit the bullet today and got on with the job.

"Fair play to him," neighbour, Ben Willard told our reporter. "You've got to admire a man who tackles creosote. It isn't easy, especially if you're slightly allergic to the stuff. It can make you sneeze, make your eyes water, make you all itchy and bring you out in a terrible rash. But Buster's made a good job of it. We're all really proud of him."

Other neighbours concurred. James Cagney, from over the road told us:

"It's about time he creosoted that fence. It was lowering the tone. I mean, you can't have all the garden fences creosoted bar the one. It just doesn't look aesthetically proper. Not very easy on the eye like. But fair play to him. He got there in the end. I didn't think he'd see it through, but he did. As I said - fair play to him."

Sadly, Buster Ferkin wasn't around to join in the celebrations. Shortly after creosoting the fence, Buster collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital.

Where he subsequently died.

The cause of death was reported to be a hyper-allergic reaction to creosote, which caused Buster's heart to explode like a hand grenade. And his lungs to turn inside out and protrude from his mouth like a gruesome beard.

Shortly after Buster's unfortunate demise, a relative opened a sealed letter, the contents of which stated:

"I TOLD YOU I WAS ALLERGIC TO CREOSOTE."

"The fence looks better though," commented Ben Willard.

Always first with the hot, breaking IOW news.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 4?

9 13 8 25

Go to top