Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 3 July 2010

image for Ashley Cole Done Me In Black Boxers Claims Lap Dancer
See Ya Later Alligator!

Lap dancer Sarah Parnell is claiming that she seduced England left back Ashley Cole and sensuously stripped off his black boxer shorts after taking some pictures on her mobile phone and posting them on Farcebook for posterity.

"He loves me does Ashley," the Brummie born sex industry worker declared. "He don't love Cheryl no more since she's been hanging out with that Dancing Derek fella. Him loves me now. Him almost admitted that."

However, a source close to Ashley Cole confided that perhaps Sarah had got the wrong end of the stick. The source told us that multi-millionaire playboy footballers will tell a woman any load of old cobblers if she's reasonably attractive and he thinks he's up for a quick legover or two. We were assured that anything which Ashley Cole may have said, with or without his underpants on, should have been taken with an extremely large pinch of salt.

Sarah came over all emotional when we told her what the source had said. Choking back a tear, she insisted that Ashley Cole had made love to her at least twice, and that he was really passionate and insisted on whispering sweet nothings in her ear while they were at it.

"Him loves me. He really does," Sarah told us as she steamed through half a box of Kleenex tissues. "Him told us tharree did. Why should I doubt that for a moment? He loved me so much that he took loads o' pictures to prove it. And he promised they'd never surface on the internet. Ever. A man who doesn't truly love a woman wouldn't dream of saying anything like that."

Our reporter then asked Sarah if Ashley had been in touch with her, since they had allegedly done the deed?

"Not yet," Sarah admitted. "But he will. He said he would. He promised. He's probably just been too busy."

Yeah. Right.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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