Written by Herr Riballs
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Topics: Flying, Airlines

Friday, 2 July 2010

Bargain basement airline, Ryanair, has announced steps to, quite literally, leave others STANDING.

Tycoon, Michael O'Really, unveiled plans to remove all seating on his fleet in a bold move to increase passenger comfort.

Plans

Speaking to a gathering press he said "My ultimate goal is for air passengers to lie on top of each other, 8 deep to the aircraft's ceiling, for the duration of a journey. This is a long way off yet, however, as we need to keep the overhead lights clear for those wishing to read".

Quizzed on how the plans would work, he explained "It's simple really. For £4.00 our passengers will now stand up rather than sit for the, say, 22 hour flight. It's not about cramming people in like sardines and making even more money out of them. The credit card online booking fee takes care of that" he insisted.

Toilet

Asked how the extra space will be created he said "Toilet facilities will be the first to go so we would advise passengers to 'pay a visit' before boarding the aircraft.

Additionally, significant weight reduction and financial savings will be made by the removal of life jackets, one engine and one wing. We also plan to dispense with cabin crew and pilots to compensate for the increase in passenger numbers".

When pressed about who will actually fly the plane he astonished reporters by saying "An announcement will be made at the gate prior to boarding, requesting that those with rudimentary piloting skills step forward". Addressing grave concerns he said "This is just another way Ryanair can continue to offer low low fares. And it's all done by auto pilot nowadays anyway" he went on.

A test run flight was made on Monday as a group of Irish mourners celebrated the life of a former pilot at 36,000 feet.

All were stood up.

Wake

O'Really hailed the maiden trip as a raging success and referring to the traditional Irish ceremony of mourning he boasted "I can just see the headlines now. 'Just like that group of mourners, Ryanair leaves the competition STANDING IN THEIR WAKE' he laughed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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