Here at Skoob News, we can't go too deeply into this issue due to reporting restrictions, but if what we've been led to believe from a variety of sources is actually true, then these so-called professionals should be ashamed of themselves.
We can't vouch for it, and we won't mention sisters, French lingerie models, mature prostitutes, or any of that.
We won't mention the 'players revolt' that never happened.
England's World Cup bid died before it ever woke up. It was dead from day one.
We could suggest that hypocrisy, lack of moral fibre, internal sparring and an innate inability to think beyond the ends of their cocks, leading to a serious rift in the squad, killed England's World Cup bid.
We could suggest that, but we won't.
You'll read all the gory details in the tabloids when the gagging order is lifted.
But remember: you heard it from Skoob News first.
We get in where even Ashley Cole's much photographed underpants fear to tread.
While those egocentric BASTARDS take a two month break in some exotic location.
(Editor's note - Skoob News correspondents were treated to a free pint and a Ploughman's Lunch at some pub in Inverness. Provided they paid their own way to get there.)
More as we get it.
(Did we really say 'sister'? Good heavens.)