Written by matthatt
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Wednesday, 30 June 2010

image for England football team arrive home, next stop, Afghanistan
You couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo.

Due to a shortage of cannon fodder, the Ministry of Defence have decide to take the unusual step of conscripting the ex England squad, as it is felt that they could serve their country better, for the amount of money they get, on the front line.

Wayne Rooney and the rest of the lads will skip the basic training as it is believed that their overall fitness levels should be OK, even though they are not as fit as the average British squaddie.

They will however be equipped with the same state of the art SA80 rifles as used by the British army, but will be keeping their distinctive, bright red away strip, as worn in Bloemfontein during their LAST game against Germany in the world cup, so as to be more readily recognisable in the field of battle.

An MOD spokesman said "it is more up to date and protective than what the armed forces are currently wearing. The shin pads and boots alone will make them far better equipped than most of the poor sods out there at the moment"

In exchange, Fabio Capello will be getting some highly decorated war heroes who could do with a bit of a rest after having been sitting in dusty rat holes, getting shot at for the past few years and "who will probably do a better job than the previous squad" according to the Italian England manager.

When asked if it was fair that the footballers should face the grisly prospect of war, a Government spokesman said "I think it's high time that we ask ourselves why the England football team should be treated any better than soldiers who are out there risking their lives everyday"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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