As the notorious British and German gutter press engage in a ferocious war of attrition ahead of Sunday's World Cup clash in Bloemfontein, German academic, Professor Wolfgang Amadeus Beethoven, of the Wank Bavaria University School Of Mythbusting today angrily insisted that Adolf Hitler had two perfectly serviceable testicles, and not just the one, as described in folklore.
It is thought that the popular misconception that Adolf Hitler only possessed one testicle originated in a wartime song, handed down through generations until as recently as last Wednesday. The song states that Hitler's second testicle was kept in London's Royal Albert Hall, that Himmler had something similar, and poor old Goebbels had no balls at all.
Not so, insists Professor Beethoven, who likened the misconception to a popular wartime rumour which alleged that Hitler was a painter and decorator. In fact, the Fuhrer was an established watercolourist, whose 'Man Sitting On A Bridge Wanking Into A River' recently sold for a five figure sum at auction on the 'Dickinson's Real Deal' TV show.
It appears that documentary evidence exists to support the theory that Hitler was indeed possessed of twin testicles, but even Professor Beethoven has been forced to concede that they probably weren't very impressive. He said:
"Okay, so Hitler's balls were not made of steel, and were probably not the size of canned plum tomatoes. But he did have two. Possibly not much larger than chicken nuggets. Und anyway - der Fuhrer was Austrian, not German."
A Royal Albert Hall employee informed us that nobody had handed in Hitler's lost testicle, but that last week they did find a butt plug, a strawberry flavoured condom, and a bag of nail clippings.
Nobody has any idea why.
More as we get it.