After an Emergency meeting of the famous Python Committee, named after the war hero Sir Monty Python, a distress call has been answered by Britain's premier retired diplomat Sir Basil Fawlty.
From his Tower in Torquay, Sir Basil gave us an exclusive interview along with the mass media. 'Coming from Torquay I have a unique footballing knowledge of dealing with crises in the game' he told us. 'I have been asked by the Python Committee to leave for South Africa immediately to advise the English team and supporters on the correct diplomatic stance they must take with respect to the oncoming war against our vicious foes the Germans.'
'My prime advice to everyone in Bloomfountain is not to mention the war. This can upset Germany's fascist thugs. Likewise, talking about England's famous resounding 4-2 victory against the Germans in 1966 when we defeated them to win the World Cup, is unwise although fully justifiable.'
The British Government is preparing itself for trouble this Sunday and riots between identified German supporters and Engliah fans are feared. Troops are being put on stand-by in Afghanistan for a quick return if required. All Police leave has been cancelled. Fears this might lead to a revolt in the Police force have been avoided by allowing a viewing of the Match as an essential element of their task.
Sir David Cameron, the recently knighted British Prime Minister and distiguished football commentator, is to make an appeal to English fans in South Africa. He will ask them to defend the honour of the flag and show the Germans how civilised people behave. In Britain German sympathisers will be detained under the Terrorism Act until the conflict is over.
Fawlty's distinguished career in the diplomatic service is likely to deter any attempts on his life by renegade Nazi Hitler Youth when he is in South Africa. These creatures from a bygone age are now viewed as a joke.