Written by Inchcock
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Topics: Unemployment

Thursday, 24 June 2010

image for Job Centre Disruption earlier Today!
Ear-wax-remover-spray undergoing tests!

Chaos erupted earlier today at the Nottingham Job Centre, reports our correspondent Inchcock Chambers. A 62 year old claimant, made redundant through no fault of his own last February, was spotted on the CCTV smiling while waiting for his interrogation.

Emergency action was immediately taken, and the centre went into Defcon-Two status. This involved automatic communication of the emergency to the local investigative unit, who responded with great alacrity arriving on site within 6 minutes, the local constabulary were informed, and Group4 security asked to increase the number of officers without delay. The centre was evacuated, and staff removed to a safe room.

This left the 62 year claimant alone in the offices, apart from two armed police officers with their dogs, and two members of the investigative team. Unfortunately the 62 year old claimant was unaware of what was going on, as he had removed his hearing aids in an effort not to look so unemployable at his interview.

The investigators, covered by the armed police officers, approached the 62 year old, and the officers spread eagled him on the floor - causing him much consternation and fear... they searched his carrier bag and person for any offensive weapons, they were suspicious of his ear-wax-remover-spray, and it was taken away for forensic tests.

The interrogated him about his reason for the unacceptable actions of appearing happy within the confines of a job centre establishment... and demanded to know why he had carried out this sacrilege.

He explained that he was not actually smiling, but he was suffering from tooth-ache, and this might have distorted his face somewhat.

The alert status was returned to Defcon 5, and the emergency services retired, leaving a warning with the 62 year old that if the ear-wax-remover-spray turned out to be anything dodgy, they would return.

The 62 year old is still looking for work, but has developed a nervous tic!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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