It has been revealed that Nick Clegg is believed to have been accused of making an unfortunate political mistake. This terrible news was revealed by a Political insider who thinks he saw Mr Clegg walking his dog in an incorrect manner on Tuesday.
The Political insider, who just happens to be a Tory, said he saw a man who looked a bit like Nick Clegg, and his strange looking Shi tsu spaniel cross dog, in the park committing a crime of unforgivable social destitution.
It appears that the man, answering to Nick Clegg's description, regularly allows his dog to foul the public footpaths of London. It is also believed he has done this every day since January, and has never once thought to scoop the poop.
CCTV footage, that unfortunately has now been lost, has revealed that all the way through his election campaign the Nick Clegg lookalike allowed little "David the dog" to poo freely in the park without remorse. If Mr Clegg's identity is confirmed he will then be expected to pay a fine of £200 to the London city council. If he does not pay, he will be forced to resign his position as deputy prime minister for non payment of a public invoice.
A spokesman from the Liberal Democrats office has denied that any such incident ever took place. He says Mr Clegg does not own a shi tsu, and even if he did, he would never allow it to go about doing what a shi tsu does naturally in a public place without scooping the poop.
They say it is an outrage. It is a deliberate Tory smear to discredit the liberals in the theatre of political collaboration. He says the Tories are just dishing the shi tsu now, and that the shi tsu will be hitting fan very soon if this kind of underhand attack does not cease.
The misdemeanour of "Not Scooping the Poop" in London is a heinous crime. If no one scooped the poop, London would be buried under 1 million tons of the stuff every single day. The Tory insider believes this kind of crime should carry a sentence of 5 years or more, and he believes David Cameron will soon be drawing up a bill to make this the law.
A labour insider, who is neutral to the argument, believes that Mr Clegg is probably innocent. He believes that the tories have cooked up this charge to get rid of Mr Clegg for a period of five years. This, coincidentally, is the amount of time that Mr Cameron will be forced to work with Mr Clegg during their time together in political allegience.
The Labour insider also says the Tories aren't just watching Nick Clegg's poop scooping activities, they are watching everyone's. So if you want to stay free, you have to scoop the poop, because the Tories are now watching everything you do. They are planning to use deliberate Poop Scoop failure to deprive anyone they want of their liberty. That includes Politcal Terrorists, Ban the Fox Hunt Campaigners and writers called Katarina who tell lies.
By Katarina Frogpond.