It has been disclosed that the BBC were asked to provide 'poor' presenters by FIFA for the world cup to 'show empathy' to poverty stricken South Africans - but none could be found, even with 7yrs' notice.
The best the BBC could muster was the poor 'sounding' Geordie Alan Shearer who is well know to be a multi-millionaire. Sources say that whilst he is northern, he has very much been accepted into the 'bushy tailed' presenters magic circle.
This is not the first time that organisations have had problems when making filming requests to the BBC. The Cornish Fishermans Benevolent Fund requested 'down to earth' and local presenters for the filming of 'Coast' but again the BBC could only find heiress Lady Alice Roberts and exotic Princess Miranda Krestovski to holiday in fossils and rock pools - so far from home.
Similarly, the Skipton pastrymakers society were looking for a 'Yorkshire lad' to help make Eccles cakes on camera but instead they got the gushing home counties son of a diplomat, 'turbo-rah' Valentine Warner. Eeh-oop? indeed.
Terrified of being branded 'nepotistic despots' - the BBC, say critics, have over-reacted by recruiting chavs Lee Nelson, Lauren Cooper and Lady Sovereign to clumsily rebalance their already creaking diversity programme.
Management Consultants rushed in have warned their equality 'dew point' is somewhere between 'polo' and 'crescent' shaped.