There was public anger this afternoon after it was discovered that three tonnes of weapons-grade plutonium managed to sneak past Windsor Castle police officers, enter the Royal bedroom, and make love to the Queen.
The plutonium, which was dressed as a paedophilic version of Osama bin Laden, snuck into the castle just hours after new security measures were put into place by the cops. This included a strongly worded notice staple-gunned to a fence that advised visitors to "please report to Reception".
The police service released an explanation saying ?it is regrettable that our belov'd royal castle has been broken into. An officer apprehended the suspect, who proceeded to give a false explanation as to why he was entering the Queen's Chamber. The plutonium in question said he was a love slave to Her Majesty. When questioned further, the plutonium denied being radioactive, and claimed to be a harmless inert gas.'
The Home Secretary demanded an explanation from high-ranking coppers, saying ?heads will roll' to please journalists eager to get a quote that implicitly harked back to the days where a regal tyranny was in charge.
In an interview after being freed on police bail, the plutonium said, ?it was a protest to highlight the inhumane treatment of radioactively unstable substances.'