Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today decided to have a shave rather than follow roly-poly funnyman James Corden's TV appeal for England football fans not to shave as long as the England team remain in the World Cup. Shuttlecock told our reporter:
"It's all well and good James Corden telling people to not shave for England, but he's only got a bit of bum fluff on his chin. If he had whiskers like steel cables like what I have, he'd soon change his mind, I can tell you."
Shuttlecock went on to explain that some of his neighbours have sent him to Coventry for not not shaving for England and have accused him of being unpatriotic. But when we spoke to him he appeared to have made his mind up.
"I'm not unpatriotic," he added. "That's nonsense. I cheer for England in every game and I've got a big fuck-off 8x5 Saint George cross flag flying in the garden. It's nothing to do with being unpatriotic. I also think that the way James Corden has replaced France with Ireland on his human World Cup wall chart is honourable, but to ask a man not to shave for England is bloody ridiculous. I look like a tramp and my face itches like fuck. So, bollocks to James Corden - I'm having a shave. I'm sure it won't affect the team's performance, and for the record, I think not shaving for England is a bloody stupid idea."
More as we get it.