Teams in the World Cup are preparing for a new approach to the competition which will eliminate the shirt tugging spoiling much of the artistry of the game.
After considering players taking part without shirts, FIFA realized that shorts would be pulled down instead. Finally the solution of simple jock straps was mused about. But it was thought that even without jock straps, flopping cocks would be an obvious target. Then the President of FIFA exclaimed :'Don't worry. No one will tug a cock. Footballers will never want to be thought of as queers!'
England star Mickey Rooney, speaking for the entire squad announced; 'Don't worry England - we have the balls for this challenge'.
FIFA have obtained special certificates to allow matches to be shown on TV after 1 am so no one is offended by the sight of naked footballers. World clock time differerences are to be overcome with time lapse filming equipment. Referees will be able to distinguish between between teams by the players being daubed with war paint, which is water resistant. FIFA President Barrack Ofama declared: 'We think football will now be the spectacle it should be.'
Meanwhile talent scouts from throughout the world have descended on South Africa trying to spot potential drama students at the World Cup for action movies. 'We are looking for actors who completely fool referees into thinking they have been fouled when they haven't.' explaind acting impresario Sir Michael Vanessa Redgrave 'we are particularly keen on this talent being exhibited in the penalty area because the reward is substantial.' The thought of Naked Football has also drawn interest from the porn industry looking for talented stud material.