Washington DC, USA Friday 18 March - (Mess Association) The White House confirmed today that President Bush has nominated Tony Blair's preferred candidate Paul Wolfowitz as the next CEO of the Bogota-based Riggs World Bank for Deconstruction and Embezzlement.
In a tersely worded statement, President Bush said that Assistant Secretary for Defence Wolfowitz was the best man for the job and "would keep the wolf away from the door" for the millions of starving people still unable to afford the kind of democracy and compassion that are hallmarks of the Bush administration.
Brushing aside comparisons that have likened the appointment to letting Adolf Hitler take over the position of Chief Rabbi or the Yorkshire Ripper being made Minister for Women's Affairs, President Bush said that Mr Wolfowitz came with a huge letter of recommendation from leading Global Peace Process luminary General Pinochet.
In addition, he said, Wolfowitz had already turned down the other ultra-prestigeous financial sector position as the next "God's Banker" at the Vatican because it was generally believed that there was already enough compassion there, if not actual democracy. "His Holiness the Pope doesn't need another bagman - yet", said Mr Bush.
The announcement was echoed in London where a press spokesman for No 10 Downing Street said that under the Government's recently unveiled Freedom of Disinformation Act, it was possible to announce that Mr Wolfowitz - a former Emeritius Professor of Macro-Economics at the Lay & Skillings Institute of Enron Management Strategies in Crawford, Texas - would soon be busy with his first professional task at the Bank: the creation of a new UK £21 note commemorating the death of the late Queen Mother.
This would be launched later this year to finance a permanent public tribute to her, next to the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain in London's Hyde Park. "We envisage a simple but effective brass sculpture of a colostomy-bag in the Bowes-Lyons traditional tartan. This will be attached to the Diana Fountain by a series of tubes and pumps, depicting various aspects of colonic irrigation so favored by the late Princess, and will offer a subtle symbolic counter-play to show just how much these two fine ladies were joined at the hip".