Shadow Chancellor, Oliver Letwin has responded to Gordon Brown's budget by announcing that a future Conservative government would completely abolish taxation.
"We've done our sums." Said Old Etonian Letwin. "We can achieve a rate of zero for all taxation; no income tax, no VAT, no poll tax, basically, no tax! This will mean that ordinary people will be able to keep all of their money to spend on whatever they like."
When asked for details on how this would be achieved Mr. Letwin replied, "It's quite simple. There is a tremendous amount wasted in administration. The Civil Service is top heavy with red tape and bureaucracy. What we will do is remove a whole layer of management, in fact we will completely dismantle the Civil Service as it is. If we are not collecting tax then we don't need all those people who are employed to collect it do we?"
Mr. Letwin was further questioned as to how the drop in tax revenue would affect public services. "The savings we will make on reducing bureaucracy will fund any changes and we're going to give people more choice." He replied. "People want choice and that's what we're going to give them. The choice between dying in a state run hospital corridor or having first class service in the private sector. The choice between being educated in the state school without money for books and pencils or even teachers and doing what my parents did and sending your child to one of the many excellent public schools we have. The elderly are one of our priorities and they to will have the choice of working until they drop dead or saving for retirement in a pension fund which could, if they are skilled investors, provide them with a modest income in old age."
Mr. Letwin went on to explain that the responsibility for local services such as, refuse collection, the police service, street lighting and road maintenance would be handed over to the local people who used the services and said, "People will be able to decide how, in their streets, the services which they want will be funded. It's all about choice."
It was pointed out to Mr. Letwind that many ordinary people would not be able to afford the choices which he had outlined.
He replied. "I've met some of these people and on the whole they seem very nice. Of course there is always a certain underclass for whom the state provision will remain - for the time being - but it is our belief that people must take responsibility for their own welfare and we intend to give them the tools to do it. Of course, as we make society richer then there will be a trickle down effect with those more fortunate looking after those less fortunate in society. In fact, just like us in the Conservative Party. We want to go back to basics and re-instil those Victorian values to which we all aspire."