Written by Loopy Luna
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Topics: Violence, british

Thursday, 17 March 2005

image for DIE HARD! Bruce Willis Batters Ant & Dec
Still Smiling: Ant & Dec after WIllis attack

Die Hard movie star Bruce Willis became so enraged by British TV star's Ant and Decs questions that he attacked them both in a savage display of violence.

The loveable but highly annoying duo enraged the Hollywood star by asking him "How to ye feel about your missus going off with a lad much younger then you and having his bairn like?"

Willis was already riled by the pairs attempt at humour, which clearly fell flat. The well known difference between British and American humour clearly took on a violent turn yesterday.

Willis was hauled off Ant and Dec after lunging at them both. It took twenty five members of the crew to calm the actor down. Bruce Willis was then escorted off the premises in order to ensure the safety of Ant and Dec.
The two stars were then taken to hospital where they were treated for various injuries, including a black eye for Ant and a broken nose for Dec.

Whilst leaving the St.Ozzy hospital yesterday evening we managed to ask the pair if they intended on pressing charges against Mr.Willis. An emotional Ant trying hard to speak through a swollen mouth and broken teeth stated.

"Why aye man, we dunno yet like. I suppose we might. He was mah favourite movie star until today man. I had all his videos an that.'

The Geordie pair was then promptly whisked away in their car in order to rest and recuperate at the home that they decorated and share together.

Our investigator contacted Mr.Willis' manager in order to get a statement from the movie star. Willis had given his manager a statement to read to all members of the press.

"Those God damn limeys just riled the heck outta me. So I gave them what they deserved. I don't care if they wanna press charges. I'm Bruce Willis, let's see them take me on in court, in fact I dare them to. I need a good laugh."

We think that depending on Ant and Dec's popularity, Willis has either made himself an enemy of the British public, or a much welcomed hero.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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