The Office for Football Responsibility says the taxpayer will have to FOOT THE BILL of nearly £9665 trillion because Labour MISJUDGED the effect of England's hapless keeper Robert Green's failure to catch the ball against lowly USA.
In a speech, nice Mr Clegg pointed to photographs of the clueless Green and said: "Labour had consistently underestimated the ability of England keepers to judge the flight of the ball, so can we really ask taxpayers to keep paying their heard earned taxes into the wasteful welfare state? It's not just unfair; it's not football."
But Dave Overall, leader of the public sector union Walked-Upon, said the government was trying to make Green look worse than he was because they wanted to CUT the whole British WELFARE STATE.
The coalition has promised a review of England keepers.
According to the OFR report, Green's blunder represents a failure of the whole welfare state, and all because Labour WASTEFULLY and WOEFULLY misjudged the effect which was actually FAR, FAR WORSE than it was. And it's an effect that will be felt for MANY HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
Details of the England goalkeeper review are expected to be announced on 22 June, along with other plans to destroy the welfare state, estimated at £46356 trillion this year.
Nice Clegg, Deputy PM: "As we face up to living within our means, we cannot ignore Labour's ignorant stupidity when it comes to losing the big match."
The BBC's Nick Grovelson said it was clear that people like him in public sector pension schemes such as the BBC's, could expect to start paying through the nose for mistakes on the field.
In his speech, reasonable Nick Clegg, who argued before the general election AGAINST the very thing he's now arguing FOR because he's that CLEVER, blamed foreign keepers for taking our keepers' jobs and that had forced, "action now so that we can still be in control of future matches".
He told the Institute for Sunshine, Liberty and Freedom From Socialist Tyranny that Labour had left a "pitiful, terrible, appalling, disastrous and catastrophic pitiful legacy", adding a warning against, "blatant scaremongering" over the economy, which he said was just going to fuck things up but who cares when you sell out for a nice cosy job in government.