Written by Trayla Trash
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Topics: british, marmite

Wednesday, 16 March 2005

image for Marmite: I have feelings too
An anti Marmite campaigner celebrates, yesterday

Marmite has lambasted British youngsters for destroying the nation's "stiff upper lip" image.

Speaking from a science fiction convention in the East Midlands, where he is signing copies of his latest book - "Tangy yet Tasty" - the beleaguered telly star has criticised "namby pamby" youngsters for forcing the Advertising Standards Authority to pull its latest advert.

Six parents contacted the ASA saying their children had suffered nightmares and were left "terrified" by the ad, which featured scenes reminiscent of 1950s science fiction film The Blob.

Marmite makers Unilever Bestfoods initially said it would take the ads off programmes for young children but the ASA banned them from all children's programming.

The blob, known as Slim to friends, said tearfully:
"I have never been so offended. Even being on books of the Aesthetic Nightmare Acting Agency does not prepare you for this kind of reaction.

"When I was a drop of yeast, my parents would have kicked my tangy behind from here to kingdom come if I'd made such a fuss over nothing. It's a disgrace."

Slim is now seeking legal advice on how best to salvage his tattered reputation in light of the complaints.

"I have a jar to keep, and a wife and kids to look after, and how the hell am I supposed to do that without a regular income. The advert was my ticket to a better life," he added.

One commercial shows a woman screaming and running terrified out of a supermarket and a young couple running away from the large brown blob.

A crowd appears, some running away, others diving into Slim and taking a bite out of his side.

The commercials end with the Marmite slogan: "You either love it or hate it."

Viewers complained that the adverts had caused "distress" to their children after being broadcast around programmes aimed at youngsters.

The Campaign for Terrifying Youngsters, based in an attic in Kent, also jumped to Slim's defence.

Spokesman Ken Diddy said; "Shrieking in terror at the presence of boogeymen in cupboards or monsters under beds is understandable, but getting hyperactive over a well-known sandwich spread is another matter entirely.

"Though it makes our job a lot easier if the younger generation is easily scared, I do weep for the future if a comical brown blob sends them into nocturnal hysterics."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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