Written by Morse
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Monday, 14 June 2010

image for Elf n' Safety Cite Manchester Bloke for Draping Neighborhood In Giant St. George Flag Killing at least 22 Travelers!
Neighbors Say Middle Aged Manchester Bloke Locked in Middle Ages Hated Horns!

A middle aged man dressed in rusty mail, a stained cod piece, carrying a broad sword and long bow, was detained after an inquiry into the cause of 22 mysterious deaths of travelers asphyxiated under a 5 acre St. George Cross the first day of the World Cup.

The middle aged man, said to be still living in the Middle Ages, was said to be a fanatical fan of futbol, with his level of frenzy, fueled by local club matches, rising to a level of outright insanity during this month's World Cup in South Africa.

The giant flag, said to have been sewn in Bangladesh by starving children, was unfurled sometime over night causing consternation in surrounding neighborhoods, when onlookers likened it to Britain's mysterious crop designs thought to come from visitors from out of space, or possibly from EU members 'just passing through.'

The White Cross with the Red background indicates that the perpetrators were English and keen students of the Crusades. A Frenchman in the neighborhood was released from custody as a local Irish historian pointed out that the French had a White Cross on a Red background, and the Italians had a Yellow Cross on a White Background, the latter still continuing to cause rancor amongst Italians who to this day maintain the French should have been identified by a Yellow Standard in keeping with their military history.

Bodies of the unfortunate victims are still being uncovered as they were found still in positions of slumber on roof terraces, inside a tool shed, in a rabbit hatch, and inside an abandoned and unlicensed 1951 Vauxhall motor car where they had tragically decided to raise their family. Authorities said they have still not had time to check all the dustbins, as each resident is required to have at least nine, and ones designated for 'old socks with holes' are seldom used due to the darned frugal Brits.

The individual in custody, still unidentified as officials fear for his safety as a horde of Rumanians in motorized tents have descended on the neighborhood, was seen briefly as he was placed in a bullet proof vest and a helmeted visor.

Smiling at the TV news crews the Suspect appeared to be trying to give the universal 'THUMBS UP' signal but was hampered by a bandaged thumb attached at an awkward angle, according to onlookers.

One neighborhood resident was sympathetic. "Poor Bloke, all he was trying to do was eradicate some pests by 'tenting' the neighborhood like they do in the States, and pumping a wee bit of gas under it to encourage them to move."

"I think all that buzzin' and horn blowing just got to be too much...that fooking goalie didn't help matters much neither...real pisser, innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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