A spoof writer (me) woke up this morning with the sudden urge to not give a fuck about anything any more.
"As soon as my feet hit the icy cold floor, I was overcome with a wave of emotion that carried me off to the sort of place where I couldn't give two Sicilian shits what happens next", she said.
Getting into her crap 1998 Renault Megane, she made the decision to not bother going to work - well, what's the point really? - and just sit in the car all day and watch the window wipers going backwards and forwards.
Make the dinner? Fuck that. Why bother - you're only going to shit it all out later.
No, instead she decided to take a bus to the beach and get a tan.
"I didn't bother taking off any of my clothes because I don't care about tan-lies. In fact, I don't care about anything any anymore", she added.
Even if the tide comes in, the writer says that she won't budge and cares not a teensy toss if she gets swept out to see and dies.
She might keep you updated if she's in the mood.