Written by Jess Mylocke
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Topics: life, Depression, writer

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

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A spoof writer (me) woke up this morning with the sudden urge to not give a fuck about anything any more.

"As soon as my feet hit the icy cold floor, I was overcome with a wave of emotion that carried me off to the sort of place where I couldn't give two Sicilian shits what happens next", she said.

Getting into her crap 1998 Renault Megane, she made the decision to not bother going to work - well, what's the point really? - and just sit in the car all day and watch the window wipers going backwards and forwards.

Make the dinner? Fuck that. Why bother - you're only going to shit it all out later.

No, instead she decided to take a bus to the beach and get a tan.

"I didn't bother taking off any of my clothes because I don't care about tan-lies. In fact, I don't care about anything any anymore", she added.

Even if the tide comes in, the writer says that she won't budge and cares not a teensy toss if she gets swept out to see and dies.

She might keep you updated if she's in the mood.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


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