President Karzai has come to the rescue of the British economy after a personal appeal from David Cameron, made during his visit to Afghanistan.
Arrangements are being made for a major aid package to be put together to help Britain.
Immediate steps to import high quality Opium from Afghanistan are to be taken, with the British state having a sizeable portion of the profits from its sale.
'We can now save our pensioners from destitution in the UK' wept Cameron. 'I have been trying Opium myself and it is sure to be popular in Britain where all restrictions on its use will be lifted'. Liberal Democrat support for the move is assured because it is a civil liberty issue.
An aghast Gordon Brown emerged from his Scottish bunker to declare:'This is a scandal! It is like our discredited trade in Opium in 19th century China. I am shattered. Why didn't I think of it?'