London, 12 March (Rioters) - Judge Herve Stephan, the French investigating magistrate who probed the 1997 death of Princess Diana, said today that the recent spring clean at London's top terrorist detention centre Belmarsh Jail has freed up much needed cell space for the World's No 1 terrorist Cherry Bush QC and most of her relatives.
Interviewed at his offices in the 9/11 Arrondissement in Paris, known locally as Les Incompetents, Judge Stephan said that the daughter of the late Robert Maxwell and Baroness Thatcher had had it coming to her for a long time and that "mother nature abhors a vacuum".
"Madame Cherry has had a very successful career pointing the finger at assorted slimy toerags from the Middle East but she has not fooled me.
"We in the Surete de Police have been keeping an eye on her for some time and suggested to the British Police Commissioner that she is given an Anti Social Behaviour Order as an interim measure for wearing that awful purple dress to the Guildhall dinner last year.
"But why pussyfoot about with ABSOs when nothing short of full detention without trial before a public execution in Trafalgar Square is what the public demands?"
His remarks were picked up by the UK's National Poisons Unit public relations office who confirmed that recent DNA sample testing had confirmed "a whiff of something horrid in the lady's bloodline" that corresponded to forensic archive material held on Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and the perpetrators of the 1917 assassination of Tsar Nicholas II and the Romanov family. "This smells a lot like General Pinochet", said the spokesperson, "and may be linked to the abortive coup plot in Equatorial Guinea last year that brought down the Riggs Bank."
No 10 Downing Street remained tight-lipped at the news this morning as the freed ex-Belmarsh detainees were safely back at the Finsbury Park Mosque branch of Riggs Bank where a luxury suite of rooms awaited them.
Meanwhile the Governor of Belmarsh Jail today confirmed Abu Qatada's former quarters were being hosed down with whitewash in preparation for the imminent arrival of a well-known UK human rights lawyer and her relatives. "We anticipate a short-term stay however" he said, choosing not to respond to queries that a working replica of a French Guillotine had just arrived on board an RAF carrier at Northolt Airfield and was already en route to the Tower of London.