The US has put its armed forces on standby today following rumours that there may be an impending war with the sea.
Robert Gibbs, press secretary for the Whitehouse said, "we have reason to believe that the sea may have weapons of mass destruction".
This comes just weeks after oil was found in the Gulf of Mexico, sparking fears that this could be another "War on Oil". Mr Gibbs strongly denies this as "purely coincidental".
Gibbs went on to say "the sea is responsible for many attacks, including the tsunami of 2004, the sinking of the Titanic in 1912 and the recent sinking of the South Korean navy ship, the Cheonan".
The sea has neither confirmed nor denied these allegations.
After hearing the reports, Downing Street was quick to react: "this has been bubbling on the surface for sometime now and I'm sure there's more reasons in the pipeline to go to war", said the new PM, publicly backed by "two Jags" Prescott.
Activists came out in force to condemn this. "The US will go to war on anyone with oil, man, I don't even fill my car to the top out of fear the US would invade it whilst I'm driving. The last thing I need is the navy seals busting through my Fiesta windows and shooting some of our British troops in friendly fire whilst I'm trying to parallel park. Parallel parking is hard enough to do already", said anonymous activist Ken Neville, 50.
Gibbs' response: "Unless the tide changes, war is inevitable".