David Cameron is to kick off his savage round of spending cuts with the wholesale removal of public sector unions.
"Unions were created to understandably stop people being buried in coal mines or dismembered by machinery - I hardly think this applies to the 'ink blotters' of Whitehall."
"Unlike labour we don't need union money to fill our boots so Bob Crow and Tony 'thingie' can collect their P45s on the way out."
"It's ridiculous that in the private sector about a million people were fired last year for messing up or being lazy whereas in the public sector only 4 were fired for talking to Panorama"
All 6 million workers have been told to reconviene on the Isle of Wight next week were they will be told "Your fired!" by Alan Sugar over a huge tannoy system. Later, some of them will re-hired without 'union nonsense' and more realistic pay.
"Anyone in a quango will only need to be there for 10 minutes. We'll even bring their belongings for them to take home - we can manage without milk and potato councils I'm afraid.
Also if you're a tube driver - bad luck. I've had a go driving one on the Northern line and it's a piece of cake. We're getting Tesco staff to do it for half the price."