Written by Loopy Luna
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Topics: London, Homeless

Thursday, 10 March 2005

image for Kate Moss To Marry Hobo
Kate & Jack: A Match Made In Heaven

Kate Moss, the Supermodel starlet has just announced her engagement to Mister Jack Daniels, (58) a prominent and well known vagrant who resides in King's Cross, London. A desirable area for the fashionable and image conscious homeless. Sporting a stunning beer can ring on her wedding finger, Kate was clearly overjoyed with recent events and was full of praise for her husband to be.

"I just can't believe this is happening. I feel so lucky that Jack has chosen me to be his wife; it all feels like a wonderful dream. Jack is an amazing man. I don't care how he looks or smells, it is true love this time.'

Kate deserves a dream like union after her nightmare relationship with renowned crack head and part time musician, Pete Doherty, a former member of The Libertines.

Jack however has had his own share of problems with substance abuse in the past. He was addicted to sniffing glue for several years before moving onto Meth's, the usual luxurious drug of choice for trendy Vagrants.

After a brief spell locked in a public toilet Daniel's finally managed to get clean and still remains drug free. Apart from the occasional sniff of lighter fuel and bottle of Meth's for special occasions.

Speaking about his drug habit and his engagement to Kate, Jack had this to say today from his cardboard box home.

'I furrin luv that gurrrl, she iz best thing ta 'appen to me. We gonan be so furrin happy together, she's gurgeous. Ave' ye got any change fur a cupp o tea? Aw please g'uvnor i am so cold 'ere'

Wearing this season's latest attire, urine stained trousers and string effect belt, Mister Daniels looks the part of any fashionable would be hobo groom.

Rumours are already circulating regarding who will be designing Kate's dress for the wedding of the month. Insiders believe that it is highly likely that the Bride will opt for George at Asda's, a particular favourite of hers.

Kate and Jack have already secured a deal with GoodBye! Magazine, giving them exclusive rights to photographs of the big day for a billion pounds.

We here at The Spoof! wish them both the very best of luck!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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