New Orleans, Louisiana. Information to hand suggests that authorities have come up with an effective way to seal the leaking oil pipe in the depths of the Gulf of Mexico.
American Idol judge and impresario, Simon Cowell, has been apprehended by BP officials and will be used by the oil giant as a synthetic sealant, covering the massive hole in
BP director, "Big" Liar, acknowledged that Cowell's chest hair alone was sufficient to do the job but with his entire body including Cowell's sizeable mouth available, the solving of this calamitous situation can now take place.
The oil company denied rumours that other celebrities were on their hit list such as Billy Connolly, Rolf Harris and Basil Brush. Cowell's lawyer is in the process of lodging a Writ of Habeous Corpus to obtain his client's freedom.